I've attributed these where I can, with a majority of my quotes coming from Wanda the Fish.
Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not
advice, it is merely custom.
— Mark Twain
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
1 1 was a race-horse, 2 2 was 1 2. When 1 1 1 1 race, 2 2 1 1 2.
That one took me ~5 minutes (solution)
If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
— Norm Schryer
The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.
— F. Dostoyevski
A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of
being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of
incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague
assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents
and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of
dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of
annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was
unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.
— IEEE Grid newsmagazine
I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
II. Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
III. Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless
cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
— Esquire, "O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion", June 1980
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
— Wanda ??
To do two things at once is to do neither.
— Publilius Syrus